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i never do this

seriously, never. but i can’t do this over facebook because frankly i dont want people to see this.
i am broken, i am trying everything humanly possible to stay positive, to keep going. to get out of bed in the morning. truth is, i am starting to falter.
why couldnt you be everything i knew you could be. why couldnt you be the beautiful, perfect, imperfect, funny, silly, humble, interesting boy i knew you could be. why couldn’t you be good to me.
maybe it appeared to you like i just gave you my time, kisses and sex.
but i gave you myself entirely. i gave you my life force, to keep you above water. you became the sun to my universe, and now that you’re gone everything feels cold and lifeless and hopeless.
i have no idea what i’m going to do. i will never feel this way about anyone. and i think the reason you took advantage of my complete adoration and devotion to you is because you knew that simple fact. 
the fact that i adored your giggle and squeak, your grumpy noises, the way your face creased when you smiled your breathtaking smile. your optimism, your depression. your raw emotions, your nothingness. your light and dark. i loved every cell, every follicle and every atom of you. in the shortest of time, i felt unrelenting passion and love.

why couldnt you reciprocate it? why couldnt you give it back, you’re the only one i want it from. have you ever just looked at someone, in their most natural state; sleeping, eating, sitting, daydreaming, just being- and been completely and utterly blinded by a feeling of complete worship and overwhelming love? 

i never understood what it meant to love, and i have never known true heart break until now. no one is seeing it, im being the brave face- the one that doesnt cling to someone that has no regard for me. but inside i feel as though whatever was left of my soul has been completely taken with you. and i hope you take better care of it than you did my heart, because it was all i had left.

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